Friday, December 31, 2010

rasionalitas

Jumat, 31 Desember 2010. Hari terakhir di tahun 2010.

Saya lihat status orang-orang di twitter maupun facebook. Banyak yang galau, gundah, gelisah.
Dengan sombongnya saya berkomentar di salah satu status teman saya:

"galau akhir tahun bisa jadi merupakan tanda bahwa ada resolusi atau keinginan yang belum tercapai sepanjang tahun ini.
bisa juga dikarenakan perasaan kurangnya perubahan yang signifikan dalam rangka peningkatan kualitas hidup rohani."

Angkuhnya saya. Padahal saya tidak kurang merasa gundah.

31 Desember 2010. Around 5PM.
...
aku_shirley:      "kenapa ya do"
aku_shirley:      "kenapa Tuhan menciptakan manusia itu rasional"
aku_shirley:      "sampe kita kadang lupa bagaimana rasanya mengalamiNya"
Bernardo Oeb:   "itu namanya perjalanan.."
Bernardo Oeb:   "karena Dia mau manusia mencintai diriNya secara rasional juga.."
Bernardo Oeb:   "gk mau secara buta dicintai begitu aja"
Bernardo Oeb:   "Dia mau manusia juga tau apa yg dicintainya, dan tau knp mencintai"
aku_shirley:      "gue gatau mau ngomong apa"
Bernardo Oeb:   "sama shir.."

*Saya sarankan untuk membaca postingan ini dengan memasang lagu berikut ini (Frau-Glow).
Apabila sambil mendengarnya anda tidak berkeinginan untuk mengiris urat nadi anda, berarti iman anda cukup tebal.


Hold me, you shall never ever see me
Blankets will not hesitate me
Flowers shant even wake

Kiss me, 'tis the last time you may see me
'Tis the last time light shall harm me
I shall cry myself to death

Funny, how you never showed your love to me
Lovely, oh the lights I can see
It's gleaming in my eyes like when you

Burned me, tear my skin off and leave me
'Tis the last time you may hold me
'Tis the last time I shall say good bye

82

Tidak lucu, kalau aku mati di tahun baru.
Tidak lucu kalau tanggal satu diriku jadi abu yang disebar ke segala penjuru, bersatu dengan debu dari kini dan masa lalu.
Satu hari sebelum malam minggu, malam Sabtu.
Bersama alunan suara Leilani yang mengalun syahdu.
Kumatikan lampu, sembah sujud menghadapMu.
Kuhamparkan syukur beserta hati yang telah lelah dideru
Jiwa ini menggebu. Ingin mengalamiMu
........................................................................................................................................................
kuambil sebilah bambu
menghunus jauh
kupandangi nadi, sebentuk garis halus berwarna biru
haruskah begitu?
aku ingin mengiris nadiku, bertemu denganMu, mengalami perjumpaan itu. agar aku melihatMu. merasakanMu. kembali meyakiniMu. mengimaniMu.
.........................................................................................................
Diam diam Kau tepis tanganku
.............................................................
Aku mati. di malam tahun baru.
Tidak lama,
Karena pada tanggal satu, aku lahir.. baru.
.........................................................................................................................................................

*Jasmani mungkin terbatas, namun rohani itu luas.
Selamat menembus batas di dua ribu sebelas.
Tuhan beserta kita.

#2010was

kaledoiskop 2010..


























-
"Karena idealisme itu nyata, bukan sekedar utopia."
-
"Kamu adalah rajawali."
-
"Tua."
-
"Kamu berubah. Ada apa sih?"
-
"They should make pills for this."
-
"Ya karena emang dari dalem kamu yang ngerasa, ya ini pilihan kamu."
-
"Kata-kata belum tentu menentukan pilihan untuk hidup kamu."
-
"Ada surat dari kampus. Surat apa sih?"
-
"Ya karena aku gak mau bohong sama orang-orang tentang perasaanku. 
Kalau aku gak suka aku akan bilang, paling nggak nunjukin kalau aku gak suka.
Aku gak mau pura-pura baik."
-
"Elo ngerasa gak sih makin tua manusia makin gak punya hati?
Karena pengalaman hidup bikin elo belajar untuk percaya
bahwa being rasional is the only way untuk menghindari sakit hati"
"Setuju sih, tapi gue lebih setuju kalo semakin tujuan manusia tercapai, semakin terkikis hatinya."
"Kenapa elo bisa bilang gitu?"
"Karena manusia gampang lupa.
Kalo gue si sampe setua apa pun kalo bisa ga jadi orang yang rasional
i wanna be a grown up without growing up."
-
"Time, is a precious things. There are chronos, our daily hours, days, weeks, years.
But there also, kairos, our special moments.
And i believe, birthday is one of very important kairos in one's life.
Therefore, i'm humbly want to wish a very special happy b'day for my dearest friends, which is YOU :)
Keep seizing your day, your carpe diem.
While don't forget that you're always in the presence of Christ, the Son of Man. Coram Deo.
For He loves you.
Wish u and your family, all the best.
Again, happy b'day, dear friend, Shirley.
Regards, :)"
-
"Fuck them by make them sorry for letting you feel bad."
-
"Jangan sampe lo salah menilai diri lo, jangan sampai jadi rendah diri, cuma gara-gara 'satu' orang."
-
"Gue bukan orang yang pandai memaintain hubungan gue dengan orang lain. I lost my friends along the way.. I'm such a terrible (best)friend."
-
"ERASE YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCY."
-
"Sebutkan tiga kelebihan dan tiga kekurangan kamu!"
"Saya moody, kurang tepat waktu, kurang percaya diri.
Ehm, kelebihan saya.. mm, mm (lama..) bisa diandalkan, mm, mm, mau belajar hal-hal baru, mm, mm, mm, mm.. mau bekerja keras."
-
"Sampai ketemu."
"Kayaknya kita gak akan ketemu lagi deh."
"Mm, oke, kalo gitu anggep aja gue cuma orang asing yang ngaterin lo pulang (mumbling).. ah, abaikan.."
-
"Hidup adalah proyek yang kamu jalani sendiri.
Kita lahir dan mati sendiri. Seringkali hidup juga harus dijalani sendiri.
Adakalanya gak ada orang lain yang bisa nolong diri lo selain diri lo sendiri.."

-
#2010was so random, crazy, busy, depressive, eye-opener, bitchy, jerky, honest, destructive, offensive, blessed, FAST.
...

and may #2011will:






















Deo Volente. AMEN.

GOD BLESS US AND BE WITH US ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, WHATEVER HAPPENS.

*i dont take credits of the photos, all taken from tumblr, weheartit.com, google

Monday, December 20, 2010

don’t wanna wake up hating myself.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

80

yang harus, jadi beban
yang dibiar, terbengkalai
karena segala yang ditabur akan dituai
dan manusia, tidak selalu siap

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

diburu dan memburu, waktu

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.


Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
---
I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the true worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

*Taken from here.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

memahami masa depan

Isi dan kedalaman hati.

Manusia mungkin tidak dapat mengetahui, namun bisa mencoba untuk memahami.

Seorang teman pernah bilang, bahwa proses mengenal seseorang itu tidak akan pernah berhenti sampai individu tersebut mati.
Karena manusia itu dinamis, mereka berubah, kadang hingga tak tentu arah.
Perilakunya kadang tak sesuai dengan ekspektasi dari mereka-mereka yang katanya telah mengenalnya.
Hari ini demikian, di masa depan belum tentu seperti harapan, bisa jadi tak lagi dapat diandalkan.

Ah, masa depan..
Rasanya seperti jauh dan mengambang.
Saya jadi merenungkan kata-kata Pidi Baiq-The Panas Dalam:
“Manusia itu tidak akan pernah sampai di masa depan.
Karena yang kita punya cuma sekarang, hari ini.
Dan hari ini, harus lebih baik dari hari kemarin.”

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

menerima dengan lapang dada bahwa nyatanya beberapa hal memang tidak dapat berjalan sesuai dengan rencana dan waktu yang telah diperkirakan
belajar realistis.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

sejarah


Seperti bait-bait terakhir dalam skenario yang ditulis oleh Ayu Utami dalam 'Ruma Maida':
Sejarah, yang manis kita rayakan, yang sakit, kita catat agar tidak terulang kembali.*

Mungkin tanpa sadar, pola inilah yang saya lakukan. Mencatat kesakitan untuk tidak mengulang kegagalan, mencoba mengurangi kesakithatian.
Namun nyatanya mencatat tidak selalu menyelamatkan saya dari tindakan repetitif akan kebodohan yang sama.
Saya jadi malu.
Lantas apa bedanya saya dengan para pemimpin negeri ini?

20.11.2010
23:45

*kutipannya tidak persis demikian, namun kurang lebih seperti itu.

wakil rakyat seharusnya merakyat

Note: This post may sound a bit offensive. Sorry. I was just too emotional and still cant get it: what the feck has come to their mind?

Wakil rakyat seharusnya merakyat.

Wakil rakyat harusnya jalan kaki, naik bus tiap hari, biar mereka tahu bahwa rakyat jelata itu menderitanya luar biasa. Kalau mau naik mobil ber-AC, tinggal di rumah mewah, bergaji melimpah, lebih baik jadi pengusaha, jangan jadi wakil rakyat.

Bagaimana tahu seberapa buruknya masalah transportasi (ini baru satu masalah saja) di Indonesia kalau naik angkutan umum saja tidak pernah. Berapa dari mereka yang tahu ongkos minimum angkutan umum macam kopaja atau patas mayasari?
Kalau segitu saja tidak tahu, lalu siapa yang mau diwakili?

Ingat, lebih banyak rakyat Indonesia yang tiap hari jalan kaki dan nyambung angkot berkali kali daripada naik kendaraan pribadi.

Jadi wakil rakyat itu amanah. Tanggung jawab dan beban moralnya luar biasa besar (Harusnya kalian tahu, kan? Sadar, kan?). Wakil rakyat itu wakilnya mereka yang tinggal di bawah jembatan, di pinggiran kali, di Bantargebang. Karena merekalah yang terpinggirkan, karena merekalah yang suaranya tidak seberapa kuatnya untuk bisa terdengar sampai ke gedung kura kura kembar.
Bargaining power kami mungkin memang rendah, tapi dilihat dari jumlah, kami fantastis. Pasti kalian pernah dengar tentang people power, kan?

Demi apapun juga, wakil rakyat ya seharusnya merakyat!
Rasanya saya ingin sekali bilang: "Udah kita yang milih, kita yang bayar gaji lu*, kita ditelantarin juga sama elu. Woi!"
Dimana sih otak dan hati kalian?

*actually its my parents, mereka yang punya NPWP, mereka yang bayar pajak. but less than a year saya juga akan punya NPWP, kalo duit gue dipake buat bayarin mereka yang bahkan gak ngurusin kita-masyarakat, ya buat apaan juga? amal dong itungannya itu mah! hah!

Saturday, November 06, 2010

first publicity :)


my blog featured on the latest edition of CHIC magazine.
Special thanks goes to Precilya Meirisa Armanto.
Mari diborong majalahnya. haha. #norak

Thank You, Lord :)

Monday, November 01, 2010

Mengapa saya menulis blog ini?

Saya menulis karena saya berpikir.

Karena pada dasarnya saya adalah tipe orang yang think (or often worried) too much about too many things.
Saya menulis mengenai banyak hal. Kebanyakan mengenai hal-hal yang tengah terjadi pada diri saya, atau dalam lingkungan saya.

Banyak orang bertanya kepada saya. Mengapa “Nona Mantra”?

Menulis puisi bagi saya adalah membebaskan kata-kata,
yang berarti mengembalikan kata pada awal mulanya.
Pada mulanya adalah kata.
Dan kata pertama adalah mantera.
Maka menulis puisi bagi saya
adalah mengembalikan kata kepada mantera.
Kredo Puisi Sutardji Calzoum Bachri, 1973.

Saya takut penjelasan yang terlalu panjang akan membunuh esensi dari makna yang hendak saya transformasikan disini. Maka saya memberikan anda kesempatan untuk mencernakannya sendiri.

Blog ini merupakan media ekspresi dan pelampiasan emosi saya.
I’d love to called it as ‘part of my medication’.

Saya berusaha mengemas tulisan saya sebaik dan semenarik mungkin untuk bisa dinikmati dan dibaca oleh orang lain. Karena bukankah rasanya menyenangkan ketika tahu bahwa diluar sana, ada orang yang juga memiliki kesamaan dengan anda. It feels good to know that you’re not alone.

Di sini, saya mencoba untuk jujur sejujur-jujurnya kepada diri saya dan dunia. Semua yang tertulis di sini adalah apa yang saya rasakan dan saya pikirkan pada waktu tulisan tersebut dibuat. Yang mungkin valid pada hari tersebut namun tidak persisten hingga sekarang. Because people change, you know. And so does your feelings.

Anda mungkin jenuh pada tulisan yang melulu tentang saya.
Dan tentu, itu hak anda untuk merasa bosan. Silahkan.
Namun ketika anda seperasaan dangan apa yang saya tuliskan, katakan.
Ceritakan pada saya, karena mengemukakannya sedikt banyak membantu.
Sebab sesungguhnya kita ini cuma sekumpulan pesakitan, yang butuh waktu dan teman, sebagai bagian dari pengobatan.

Selamat membaca, sampai bertemu di dunia nyata.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

that was a compliment

Gretchen Ross: You're weird
Donnie Darko: Sorry
Gretchen Ross: No, that was a compliment
...

Friday, October 29, 2010

The plays of Oscar Wilde

Just bought a new book yesterday. 

It’s a compilation of Oscar Wilde’s plays. 



Oscar Wilde died in Paris at the age of forty six.

And if you’ve watched “Paris, Je t’aime” (Paris, I love You), one of the short movie, “Pere-Lachaise”, which directed by Wes Craven, shoot at Wilde’s grave on Père Lachaise Cemetery, Paris.



Here's some quotations from the book: