the answer to this feelings
"I used to love to write. As a child I used to write all the time.
I loved to write up until the second I got my first professional writing job.
It turns out it’s not that I hate to write.
I just hate to work, period.
I am profoundly slothful.
I have no energy.
I never have.
I just have no desire to be productive.
Now that I realize I don’t hate to write, that I just hate to work, it makes writing easier."